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Lazy Wet Thursday Without the Metaphors

Meeting Boys at Parties


By Samantha Dupler

1. Primating

Here we have the human male in his natural nocturnal habitat. Half-past midnight and half-drunk on vodka shots. Note the stubble peppered atop his jawline and chin, and the permanent stench of generic brand “body spray” forming an almost visible cloud around his head: it is said that both are used to attract females of the species.

“So, uh, I’m Eric!”


“I said, I said I’m Eric, my name’s Eric.”

“What? I just, the music, I can’t…what?”

“Eric, my name is Eric.”

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